warrior

in a word all i can say
its that i want to forgive you
for the past that i don't want to carry
with me anymore
a past i have held on to for so long
a past that i did not want to remember
but i also did not want to forget
because i did not want to make the same mistake twice
but how could i really
when no one could ever replace you
or fill the void you had left in my life
you were the one person that i needed the most
yet you turned your back on me
turning away from me
as if i was nothing
as if i was not important at all to you
as if it did not matter to you what i had felt
for so long till now
i have held on to the pain
of wanting you to know
what you had done to me
what you had taken from me
what you had denied me from ever knowing
that which you had stolen from me
even if it had not been your intention
how was i supposed to know
what you were thinking
nothing really makes sense to me
even if i were to have an understanding
it still would never make up for the time that was lost
for the times when i needed you the most
the times when depended upon myself
people might think that i was better off
even i thought so
people might think that i was stronger for it
going through this pain
but it has left the scars
that i cant seem to hide
no matter how hard i try
i still live with them
and they run free
in those moments where i have no control
i know that it is pointless
in trying to make you pay
for your mistakes
but nothing can ever be undone
and nothing can make up
for what you have never given to me
but this is not my intention to punish you
or to make you feel worthless
or to enact any kind of revenge on you
because i don't have the strength inside of me anymore
to keep holding on
to this pain
that you have caused me
it was never my choice
but how i lived with the consequences of your actions
was my decision
i did the best i could
with what i had been given
to survive for as long as i could
it has taken me this long
to find a sense of peace
even though the heartache
will never subside
i now understand better
that i cant keep fighting
the past
because it is holding me back
from being free
from feeling guilty
for something i did not do
that is your guilt that you can carry
i am here to say that i forgive you
and i hope someday you will find peace
with the choices you made in your life...